Alon

Ako’y nalulumbay
Aking minamasdan munting dagat
Bakit biglang naging payapa ka?
Iyong alo’y hindi ko makita
O baka hindi ka na abot ng alon…
Ikaw ba’y panatag?
Masaya sa kapayapaang iyong nakakamtan?
Mukhang maraming nagmamahal sayo
Sayong bagong anyo…

Sa ilalim ng buwan
Sa nakapaligid na mga puno
At sa harap ng dagat
Puso’y puno ng kapayapaan
Ngunit isip ay gulong-gulo
Isang tanong ang paulit-ulit na bumabalik
“Kung ang dagat ay may alon, asan ka na alon?”

Marahil ay nasa kawalan
Marahil napagod, babalik ka pa kaya?
Ngunit sa aking nakikita
Dagat ay masaya sa kanyang kinalalagyan
Siguro’y hindi ka na kailangan, alon
Ikaw nama’y kay lakas
Iyong panibagong tinahak
Ito’y kayang mong lagpasan
Wag ka lamang sanang maging marahas

Subalit kung pagbibigyan ng mga tala at ni bathala
Kayo’y muling magkita, alon at dagat
Sana’y wag na muling magkawalay
Dahil sa simula ng lahat
Ginawa ang dagat kasama ang alon
Kaya ang alon ay para dito, sayo dagat.

a.m.

Laban

Ibinigay ko lahat
Walang tinira kahit isa
Sinubukan
Kahit na hinahamak ng tadhana
Lumalaban
Kahit napapagod na sa digmaan
Tinatatagan
Kahit ang sakit sakit na
Inalay ang buong puso
Sa pagkakataong walang kasiguraduhan
Paki sabi kung hanggang saan lang?
Paki sabi naman kung hanggang kailan na lang?
Para malaman ko
Para maging handa
Sasabak na naman sa panibagong laban
Panibaging yugto
Kung saan kakalimutan ang pag-ibig
Na minsang pinaglaban
Kung saan ang taong lumalaba’y
Iiba na ng daan
Patungo sa landas nang pag-iisa
Tatanggapin na ang katotohanang
Wala na talaga
Talo na
Maaaring hanggang
Dito na lang

a.m.

“It’s been five years now,
and I don’t know what would happen
if I run into you
in one of those crowded bus stations
with many souls getting ready
to be boarded, to have the trip of their lives—
getting in and out of the same city
where we coexisted for years,
under the same busy lights—
or maybe, just maybe,
waiting for their loved ones to arrive.

Many times, I imagined
different scenarios in my head.
Continuously playing how it would feel,
Or how I would react—
would I compliment your hair first
now that you decided to keep it long and it suits you?
Would I admire how you hold yourself now,
being strong, independent, and almost regal?
Or would I be overwhelmed by everything
I ever practiced to say
while my heart races and my palms sweat
and just maybe the words I wanted to utter,
will never make it out of my mouth?

What if after five years,
I run into you
in one of those crowded bus stations,
and I’ll tell you that
I have a drawer full of unsent post cards;
I wrote to you
from the different places I’ve been to?
That I still have all the ticket stubs from
all the metro rides we had
from this same city
where we coexisted for years
under the same busy lights?

That everyday, for the past five years,
I’ve been sighing over all the wonderful places I’ve been to
because the sunsets are never as beautiful
as that I watched when I travelled with you—
not knowing it was our last adventure too?

What if after 5 years, I run into you
in one of these crowded stations,
while many are getting ready
to be boarded, to have the trip of their lives
and while I wait for the love of my life—

just in case we bump into each other
and I ask you to come back and stay,

would you?”

— Chard Christopher

2-14-19

Started the day with a heavy heart

I’ve been asking myself of questions that I know will only hurt my aching heart more

Flowers, chocolates, bear, and your letter..

Do you know how my heart ache upon seeing your surprise?

I cried for I was surprised

The heavy stone was lifted

For a short time..

At the end of the day, I still shed buckets of tears

My demons still won

When will this love prosper? Until when will my brave heart survive? Up until when will I stay, shall I wait to lose myself?

But I don’t want to regret in this lifetime..

I am risking everything, giving all my chances and dimes in this unsure love. I don’t know if I’ll be able to love this same again..

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Akap

Pahingi naman
Kahit katiting lang ng iyong oras
Isang akap lamang
Aking hiling
Iyong mainit na mga bisig
Aking kailangan
Kahit ilang minuto lang
Sa iyong piling
Sa iyong braso
Ako’y masaya na
Sapat na upang maging mapayapa
Sapat na upang muling lumaban
Isang akap mo lang
Kahit hindi ka na maging akin

a.m.

Dagat

Dagat — tahimik at payapa

Ka’y sarap mong pagmasdan

Kaya marahil sa iyo’y maraming nahuhulog at nabibighani

Ngunit ikaw pala’y kay rahas

Alon mo ako’y sinasalpok ng kay lakas

Hindi ko alam na malupit ka pala, dagat.

Hindi pa ako nakakaho’y ako na iyong nilulunod na.

At sa iyong paglisan ika’y hinahanap-hanap

Pagkat iyong dinala isang mahalagang bagay

Aking puso’y iyong dinala

At ika’y nagiwan ng munting mga bakas

Mga munting ala-ala nating dalawa

a.m.

“Aesthetic Love”

by Edilbert Estanislao (TPC)
12/4/2017

You say you hate day time because it does not compare to the beauty of the night, when all you really admire is the beauty of the stars.
How ironic that you seek shade during the day because you hate the sun, when the thing you admire the most are just suns from afar.

You appreciate the beauty of things from a safe distance, yet you can’t handle the heat when it gets too close.
How can you lust over the beauty of romance, when you can’t handle the thorns of a rose?

I’m starting to let go of all my inhibitions

I’m giving in

All of my uncertainties

My doubts

Allowing him to touch my fragile heart

Giving him the authority to rule me

Is this right?

Everything happened in a snap

You and I were made, us

The moments shared were all so perfect

Your hand fits mine like it was made for it

Your smile held my breath all the damn time, it was so pure — so in love

Your eyes held a lot of promises

But we were wrong

It was never suppose to happen

It was never suppose to be made

But it was perfect

Eyes burning my back

People talk bad behind me

Blaming all the shits to me

And I don’t care

As long as you’re mine

I’m crazy right?

Yeah, crazy in love

.. Spur of the moment

.. Inevitable

Your personality

You point in life

You yourself have made me this selfish

That I want you all for myself

And that’s the least thing that I wanted to do

Because you are not mine to begin with

And will never be mine

a.m.